I wish I had done this writing a couple of years back. If you are not me, there’d been a better chance that you will bother to read beyond the first page if these pages were written a couple of years back. And that’s not a great feeling for someone who’s trying to write again.

It’s not as if I have not written at all in the last two years. I just haven’t written anything that anybody would enjoy reading when that anybody wants to read just for the pleasure of reading. I think I can bucket all my recent writings into 3 categories.

The first category consists of a lot of mathematical formulae. Half the world will never want to read mathematical formulae, and since you are reading this, it is unlikely that you belong to the other half.

The second category is made up by long email messages which are seldom intended to mean what I really feel, and I will be ashamed to share them with anyone other than who have already seen them.

The third category of my writings has virtually rendered me incapable of writing anything good. I am talking about slide presentations. With the focus on getting the job done, writing the plain truth has become so difficult now. With the focus on simplicity, it’s become difficult to allow my mind to wander into wild imaginative paths. It’s hard to make a jump from a bottle of soda to a suitcase in an aircraft, something I used to do effortlessly a couple of years back. Now you might not enjoy those wild jumps, but a ride without any bumps or jumps will be even more boring.

It’s really important for me to know that my writings have been appreciated. If you’ve reached so far then hopefully you’ll recognize the plea in the disclaimer and forgive me. For those who didn’t reach this far, they don’t know it is important for me that they appreciate my writings, and I hope that they never know. Please don’t tell them. If you happened to scroll down this far skimming through the details, fuck you, and go back up.

Why do I want my writings to be appreciated? That’s a question I am trying to answer. I believe that most of the things that happen have a reason. Okay, don’t get me mixed up with those lame guys who talk about a big scheme of things and that you should look for the greater good when you didn’t get a promotion and the next guy did. I am talking about simple reasons. My car would not start because there is no gas in it – that’s a simple reason. There’s no gas in it because didn’t take it to a gas station. I didn’t take it to a gas station because I am lazy. I don’t know why I am lazy, maybe there is no reason for it. But as I said, most of the things that happen in this world can be explained by a reason. You work back in the logic till you hit an axiom – like I am a lazy guy.

Okay, back to the original question – why do I want my writings to be appreciated? It just makes me happy! Why do I want to be happy – well I don’t know, I think it’s an axiom. In fact I think that I am lazy, because being lazy makes me happy. For me, being happy seems to be the only axiom.

This makes me wonder – does anybody do anything which is not for his own sweet pleasure? I don’t think so. Take for example a guy who gives 5 bucks to a beggar. Why did he do that? Sure the beggar will be happy as he can now afford his night’s beer and bread. But that wasn’t what our protagonist intended. I think he just wanted to feel like a king. Feeling like a king makes people happy. It is also possible that our hero is a god-fearing man and he was making an investment for his ticket to heaven. Going to heaven makes everybody happy.

I think that this is the axiom that can explain everybody’s actions. We are all working for our own greater good! Yeah, sometimes a couple of other people make some doe out it – but that’s just a by product! Boy, this seems very different from the good world I was taught about when I was a kid. It’s still the very same world. 99 out of 100 people have not murdered, 85 haven’t stolen, 55 haven’t slept with someone else’s wife. The world is still very good. I was just too stupid as a kid to logic my way back to this axiom! There is no reason to panic at all!

All that I need to understand now is what makes people happy. I’ll leave that for the next time I feel this urge to write. Till then, take care, and continue to love thyself!